The much delayed birthday letter to Sam. I can’t have a happier moment than this one today.
My 8year old Chutku,
You have told me I can call you whatever I want “forever”. I don’t have to ever stop calling you all the silly names I do,sometimes meaningless for which you still answer. Also, that I can always huggie you, no matter what, when. Remember, I am that meanest mommy in the whole world and I am going to keep you to it. Just you wait a couple more years and watch me hug you in front of that girl you have a crush on. THEN, let’s renegotiate 🙂
I was talking to P aunty from NJ today and she said “Sam is such an innocent, sensitive boy”. I hear that from S aunty, R aunty and so many other aunties too! I feel happy and sad. Yes, you are very sensitive, you don’t like anyone getting hurt or feeling bad and you really are innocent. You don’t realize when someone is ignoring you, when someone doesn’t talk to you on purpose. You still want to be ‘best friends’ with them. Just a couple of days ago, you were ready to give up your monopoly card just because your appa faked a sad face saying he was loosing! We had to teach you that you don’t give up your place. You play to win. You play fair, play by the rules but don’t give up your position just because you think someone else will “feel bad”. Later that night your Appa and I both confessed to each other about feeling guilty for ‘corrupting’ you. For making you see the ways of the world, while for you everything is filled with empathy. Don’t let this empathy fade away. Ever.
I will never say it to you, little one, but you have had the toughest 2 years so far. You have had to adjust, readjust and re-readjust all over again. New school, new place,new friends 3 years in a row. Not at all an easy task. Yet, you have been up to the challenge. Not only do you convince yourself that its all going to be good, you convince me too. You have already asked me – where next? And I have told you maybe a new place again. You are ready to give up Karate, take up ice skating, start Taekwondo, pursue swimming – whatever we put you through to keep you occupied! and you make yourself enjoy them too. I have not seen such resilience in anyone else, Chutku. No one I know, so far, has taken in to so many changes without cribbing even a single time. You miss your friends sometimes, at odd times but you never ask to talk to them. You say “What should I talk to them? We all have new friends now.”
School hasn’t been easy either. In your earnest efforts to make new friends and prove yourself to the new teacher, you don’t realize that you might be putting yourself out too far. You want to help everyone in class, you want to answer every question, we have had to get you to calm down. However, academically I’m glad that you are doing well – it amazes me how you have taken to reading and you enjoy your mysteries and Geronimo Stiltons and bother us everyday with new mouse-y jokes 😀
How you argue with me! OMG! I get so tired trying to convince you of something. But IF I CAN convince you, then you are hooked, I don’t need to worry that you won’t wear your snowpants when its snowing again or keep a pillow on your leg and wear socks at night when it hurts. However, I am still struggling hard to convince you that moisturizing in winter is important.
What didn’t change these 2 years is your need to see amma as soon as you come home from school (which I will cherish for as long as it remains that way) your 2 episodes of TV as soon as you come home and something “yummy” to eat.
That’s a long letter so let me stop now. I will only end by saying, continue to keep your empathy and sensitivity and all the innocence for as long as you can and we will protect you from getting hurt for as long as we can. Stay safe and stay happy always, Chutku. Let me stop here and ask you something that I often ask “Will you get back into my tummy so I can keep you safe?” 🙂
Love you forever,