How tough is it for someone who has driven a 2 wheeler for over 15yrs now? And someone who loves the speed and the power and freedom of driving one?
Let me admit-tough!
Years ago-maybe 7yrs now (much before my marriage) Dad sent brother and me to a driving school and insisted that we learn how to drive a car and also have a valid license.” You never know when you might need it” he said. So we did – both of us, took driving lessons and even took Dad on a round one day before we gave the driving exam and got the DLs. But, we did not buy a car right then.
Soon after, I got married and there was already a car here. My FIL drove, my husband drove-so there was never a requirement for me to drive or a necessity. Every weekend when I wanted to go out the husband would come with me. Now and then I would crib to my mother that I am not able to drive and she would pacify me saying “Dont bother, why do you want to become independent when your husband is willing to drive you around everywhere. Look at your Dad, he knows I can drive the 2-wheeler and never comes with me anywhere-you get time with your husband this way”. And I left it at that and never bothered again-It did make sense then.
What a big blunder that was-I realise now. An year ago when the husband was working late hours I began to take the office bus and get home and even then though, I did mention that I should practise driving, I never did. Now, again, the husband has begun to say that he will be late for some project and my worry is Chutku is not a small baby anymore. He throws terrible tantrums and cannot sit in one place for long, so it gets embarassing for me to take him back home in the office bus where people would grumble about the noise. I take him back home either by the volvo bus or sometimes call for a taxi or auto (both of which are expensive). I guess its time I start practising and driving again.
But Im afraid. Yes, Im scared now. I dont have that youthful confidence I had initially that its no big deal. I can never get when the clutch needs to be pressed, when the gear needs to be changed. Everytime I sit in the driving seat, even before I start, the husband’s instructions would’ve started – change gear now, leave a little clutch and press accelerator, you have to control the car with the clutch and accelerator only – dont use too much break to slow down – and I get confused and cant remember any of these instructions. Now that we have a bigger car, Im afraid I will not be able to see the left end of the car and might get into some ditch or the husband again saying “Look into the rear-view mirrors and then suddenly he screams look front” Huh?!! How can I look both places at once? By the end of 5 mins, I would be close to a nervous breakdown and the husband would have red eyes indicating his increase in BP levels. I just pull over and stop. Add to this, Chutku’s constant screams of “Amma driving beda!!” if I try to practice on the way home. Whew! Im close to giving up.
But, my ego isnt allowing me to accept defeat! I WANT to learn to drive! I KNOW I can do it! And no-I dont blame the husband either-knowing him, he’s trying to sincerely teach me so I stop cribbing about not being mobile enough and having to depend on him or public transport. ( Wait a min! On second thoughts-is he? Coz he knows once I learn, I will want to car every weekend and he will have to make his own arrangements to go play cricket?! Huh? 😉 Hubby-if you’re reading this-I am going to question you today! ) But something is stopping me from taking that last step in insisting I begin to drive. A Co-sister recently bought an i10 and she’s loving it. She’s even willing to give me the car so I can practice and tells me that gear and clutch is not a problem at all as its automatic. But it would be wrong to borrow her car-what if I bang it somewhere!!
Sigh! How do I get rid of this mental block and start driving? All my friends have been very encouraging. They insist they have more confidence in me that I can do it and they all know how tough it gets for me to take Chuktu home alone-so driving would be a boon to me. As well as going out over the weekends to do my own stuff-now that the little fellow is also quite grown up-I can strap him to the car seat and take him around. Im dreaming about all the independence I can get and all the places I can go…I just need that one big shove from the back – someone willing to give me one?