Ah! Wisdom

Comes with a L.O.T of P.A.I.N. Who wanted Wisdom at 31(soon to be 32) years of age? I was doing pretty well without it. And its taken 10 long years to make its presence felt!

Yes! 10 long years coz I knew of its crooked existence way back then. And all the while I was doing pretty OK. So what if there was no wisdom in my head or in my mouth? I thought all my most important ‘life changing decisions have been taken over this past decade anyway – in happy ignorance…

If Wisdom comes with so much pain – Ignorance is Bliss!

Nuclear families/Elder care and such matters

These topics are being discussed across blogs by IHM,Sangi,R’s Mom and everywhere I left my comments. Somehow every time it felt incomplete. So here’s my very personal take on these issues.

I will start from 2 generation back when as a child/teenager I saw my grand mom taking care of my bedridden grandfather for 2 years – all by herself with no external help. And the effect of all that physical strain took its toll quite early on her resulting in Arthritis and she was bed ridden herself for nearly 6 months when Mom and Dad took care of her. All the time. Dad even quit his temporary job so he could be there for her all the time. He would only leave her for a maximum of a couple of hours to take care of everyday matters like bills and grocery – keeping all that she might want next to her. Mom still works and she would come back home and handle all cooking and running of the house. And they too did it without any external help.  Every time the topic of hiring a trained help came into picture Granny out rightly refused that she wouldn’t be comfortable. So no help was ever hired. It was always Mom and Dad.

And I’ve seen that it did take a toll on their personal life – they hardly went out to meet people and friends almost never came home so as to not disturb granny. Its only now that they have begun to have a much active life…

Now in my case – I’ve lived with ILs for the first 5 yrs of my life until we built our home and had Chuktu. And all those years I never had to do much. I pretty much did the same things I did at Mom’s too and MIL didnt expect much from me either. Did we have differences and arguments- Of course! We are 2 different individuals who have grown up differently and have different ways and ideas. So arguments are bound to happen – the same kind that I have with my own mother too!

We live in our own house now and ILs/Parents visit us every weekend or we go over. They get to spend time with their grandson and it is an outing for them while we get the sunday to relax. We never expected either of the parents to take care of our child as we realised that they have their own lives/health issues and problems. So, it would be unfair on our part to expect that. We are also close enough to both sets that we will be available for any emergency at any point in time. They pitch in too – they are just a phone call away aanytime. When one of us is unwell/when hubby travels out station – either set of parents are willing to come and spend the night/day with us taking care of the little one too. Do they give us advise on how to bring him up/run the house/handle finances – you bet! Which parent wouldn’t? They still think we are immature/lazy to handle everything. On our part we listen and consider any advise we feel fit – others we just let go – that’s the freedom we have…

There are days when I come home tired with a cranky baby to take care of when I wish that I were living with ILs/Parents and there was someone else to handle everything. And there are days when I come home early full of energy and cook something that the hubby likes/just order pizza/eat out/take the little one out to play, or when friends/cousins decide to drop in when I appreciate the freedom we have in living by ourselves. So its the closest win-win situation we can be in and it works well for all of us.

Would I accommodate either set of parents in my house if the need arose – ABSOLUTELY and undoubtedly yes! No second thoughts about it. We have made it very clear that they are welcome at any point in time to live with us and they have let us know that as long as they can manage on their own – they will. But we would gladly welcome any of them home to live with us for the rest of their lives.

OK, now for the tougher question – what if (God Forbid) any of them needs the 100% round the clock attention? Would either hubby or I give up our jobs? Would we do all that I saw my own parents do? Or would it be OK for us to hire trained help? Emotionally – I would love to do everything for both sets of parents – yes – I said, both sets of parents (My ILs are really wonderful people – and yes my decision IS based on that fact – You wouldn’t want to do much for someone you don’t care/never cares for you – right? Thats only human I think) Anyway – but practically we might not be able to do it – we have our own life – jobs/child rearing to do and if it needs any special attention its only practical to get a trained help. Yes, I would open up my home to any trained help who can take care of the parents much better than me only because they are ‘trained’ to do it! I might have all the love and affection for them but I might not know what is expected of me! Also, to put my life on hold but have a dissatisfaction because I did it, is also not an ideal situation for the care giver and the patient as well.

Finally – when my day comes – I’ve been telling hubby that we need to think about it too. This would be ideal – to live in a retirement home which has all amenities like groceries/medical facility/everyday help for cooking and cleaning/driver and of course security (How many cases of the old being robbed these days!). Who said I need to live a life of a hermit drowned in spirituality after 60/70?! I would love to have as active a life as possible as long as possible. And when/if (I hope not) a day comes when I cant do my own basic things a hired help too – why depend on the son/DIL (Ah! That word) to provide all that for me? If planned properly hopefully by the time I AM 60 I would be able to afford all those! Of course its going to be a long long journey till then too…

Life’s never been easy for anyone – has it? 

Its your Birthday today…

And I kept wondering what to gift you. Yes yes, apart from the very materialistic IPhone you demanded and got! I thought of midnight cake cutting – but how to get the cake,waking up at 12, Chutku loosing sleep all these quelled the thought. Cards/candles/party – none of it appealed either. Very practically we’ve chosen to go out for lunch rather than dinner. So, there goes the surprise of a surprise dinner party with all cousins too! So what else? I have been reading the thingy posts from LF and a few others, and realised I would rather speak my heart here than any other gift. 

So here’s my thingy post for you:

1. You believe that marriage is a partnership.After hearing all the stories even from my own colleagues I realise how important this is.

2. You are my pillar of strength and support. I had already written here – “Tu hai toh I’ll be all right…”You stand by me whenever required – against both sets of parents too sometimes! So Thank you! It makes life a lot easier knowing you are there for that support.

3. The confident me that people see now – is all because of you. You give me that confidence – to voice my opinions,give me the confidence that ‘I can do it’ – IT being running the house,changing jobs,blogging, taking care of chutku, going out,driving – everything.

4. Its you who pushed me to blog! Yes – When I first voiced my thoughts about blogging and was still thinking if I can do it – it was you who said – ‘Do it, whats the big deal – your head is always filled with thoughts – put them on paper…’ And even today you are my editor whenever I feel the need 🙂

5. You know what hurts me – my weaknesses. And I’ve seen you shielding me from many such tears in your own way.

6. You never force me to do anything – ever. You always leave the final decision to me. But you will stand by me once you are convinced about the decision!

7. I love the way you crack PJs early in the morning! Something so silly that I cant believe you said that! And that cracks me up – and I know you do that to just lessen the morning stress for me.

8. There are times that I realise you know what my likes and dislikes are – and at unexpected moments! – Like increasing the volume when you know I like a song, pausing at some scene while channel surfing, telling me not to eat something because it is sour/too cold…

9. YOU are my best friend forever! There is nothing that I hide from you. Every small thing I HAVE to tell you. When there are hectic days somehow the thoughts get stored in the head somewhere and come pouring out when there is a 10min time for us!

10. And you listen (Well! not while watching TV though) when I have to vent. Though what you do about it is secondary! But you listen – when I wake you up at 11pm because there’s something bothering me and I’m unable to sleep…

11.There are times you get up early or take care of Chuktu at nights when I NEED sleep. For that I’m grateful! You realise that I need that sleep to be sane…

12. I have a lot of respect for you – because you never let your Ego come between us at anytime. Even when you took that sabbatical and joined me in the US, even when people spoke behind your back about it…

13. And now being in the same office, I realise what a different person you are at work! There is so much of respect I see from others for you and that makes me proud! You know so many people and everyone has such good regards for you…

14. I depend on you to save me from embarrassing situations that I put myself in – with my motor mouth and when I talk without thinking.

15. I can be rude and nasty when I am angry. But you can see through all that and get to the gist of the matter and even accept/apologise if you are wrong.

16. You never, ever argue/fight with me in public – in front of parents/friends/relatives.If there is something you don’t agree with you wait until you get a chance to be alone and only then speak up. – it never gives a chance for the outsider to comment on our relationship.

17. Finally I realise that you are a better human being than me –
       – You have the ability to forget and forgive while I can do neither!
       – Because when you do something, you do it whole heartedly – without expecting even an acknowledgement! There have been times when I have felt bad on your behalf when people haven’t even bothered to acknowledge what you’ve done for them!

Its not everyday that I get a chance (Or time, for that matter!) to appreciate you, Hubby – so this one’s for you today! Have an amazing Birthday 😀

Love,
Your Wife.

An 18 month Update

(Warning – This is a pure Chuktu post – please X if you are not interested in knowing his antics!)

This one’s for you Chutku, when you grow up and read what you’ve been upto for the first 1.5 yrs of your life.1 1/2! My God! When you woke up in the morning and called ‘Amma’ it hit me real hard – My baby can call scream for me now! Lying in bed you gave me that toothy smile and asked ‘Appa yelli’ – that was the next jolt – you can even make me understand what you’re thinking. Baby you’ve been doing so many things these days growing up so fast that time is just flying. I go through so many emotions enjoy,cry,laugh,get irritated,exhausted all in a single day.

Listing a few antics of your’s here for posterity:

• You’ve been having erratic schedules – waking up at odd times (2am/4am) and wanting to go out RIGHT THEN. And you throw such a tantrum that the nieghbours ask the next day if all is fine.

• Food – Sometimes you are like your Dad -You want Appacchi all the time and want to munch on something. But that something gets strewn all over the house and nothing actually goes inside! And sometimes you are like me – fussy eater and you love kismis and milk! Boy! Am I glad that you’ve taken to milk – my best substitute for you on cranky nights. You also want to see what you are eating now and point your finger at the curd rice or the sambar rice and insist that you want to be fed only that.

• You have an obsession for shoes. Not just yours – everyone’s! You want everyone to be wearing shoes all the time. And someone visits us without prior notice they can see a tiny bum and bare legs in a pair of ‘shoessuu’ (Ofcourse a shirt 🙂 )

• You are so sensitive to the mood of people around you. You scrunch up your nose, furrow your eyebrows and look at your dad without blinking when he is screaming, you immediately start crying when I cry. If I show you some ‘Abbu’ * you instantly make a sad face.

• Oh! And by the way – you can also milk the sympathy cow from all by showing some ‘abbu’ that’s non existent! Or one that you don’t even know on which leg it initially was! Such a drama master you are…

• I have to add that you imitate your grand Dads when they ask you to walk ‘slowly’. So for sure you understand what we are telling you but you’ve so early in life learnt the art of ‘selective listening’!

• I have learnt the many simple pleasures from you again, Sweetheart – the pleasure of watching the birds flying or a bunch of flowers, leaves swaying in the breeze, watching rain.

• Im amazed at the way you’ve observed and picked up things – like knowing you need both DVD and TV remote for the cartoon – you bringthem both and then insist we play it., searching for your Dad as soon as we come home, taking the powder puff out of the container before you pour out all the powder from the bigger box!

• You are constantly in motion – running on your toes (you hardly ever walk),climbing and jumping on the sofa, climbing stairs, climbing the window bars (My heart will be in my mouth when you do this!),roll around on the bed – SOMETHING. You hate to sit down in one place unless you are sleepy…

• Its sometimes a pleasure to realize how possessive you are about me – you don’t even like your Dad and me to sit next to each other. I should not even talk to any other kid in the baby care. You somehow manage to wriggle and settle down next to me or on my lap on all such occasions…

• And what a little monster you’ve become! If this is at 18months I dread to think how its going to be when the terrible twos actually set in! Your tantrums for wanting something, pushing and hitting when you don’t get something. Oh! And you HATE to brush your teeth while you enjoy your bath – preferably when you are left to handle the mug too! Else there begins another screaming session…

• Sometimes I realize that the only thing that soothes you is my voice – when I talk softly and ask you a question you stop all the screaming and crying to just listen to me talk and ask ‘Aaaaa?’ like an old man! Singing and music works too at times and Im glad for that!

• And you’ve learnt so many things – slidin , learning new words (caa,Aoee (lorry),tacta (tractor), haalu(Milk),oova (flower),aannu (fruit)) and now I taught you right and left hands. You wriggle your fingers randomly and say ‘too’ ‘thee’ and expect me to continue…

• Malls and escalators and stairs give you a thrill – only that Amma gets tired running up and down the stairs repeatedly with you or carrying you over multiple escalators multiple times!

• AND the constant AMMA AMMA all the time – you call me like you have something important to say and then say something like ‘illilla tdrilla’ and Im amused and irritated at the same time! You are one Amma’s tail – behind her all the time. Pulling kitchen drawers, folded clothes.And I sometimes make use of it too, like asking you to carry one of your dabbas to keep in the right place, keep folded clothes in their place, get spoons or plates from the utility… My own little elf  – So yippeeeeeeeee!! The Amma that I was longing for came and came how…

• Finally – I felt so proud when we took you to the doctor and you began to howl looking at him he commented- This little fellow has elephantine memory – he remembers me even when you haven’t come here in such a long time!

Im looking forward to (with a little bit or trepidation) more such antics from you sweetheart – start talking – faaast! 😀

( And searching for 1 picture of you where you are looking at the camera- Nope! None at all – always upto some mischief!)

Ah! Another Giveaway…

What? OK, I know my luck sucks when it comes to winning something for free but a girl’s gotta try – right? Especially when the Father has drilled this in the head – “An attempt can be a failure but there should not be a failure of attempt.”

OK, so I was just browing and I came across this: http://simzcorner.blogspot.com/2011/06/100th-post-giveaway.html

Though I read Simran’s blog regularly I dont really delurk – (I dont delurk at most of the design blogs by the way! I have a serious case of inferiority complex!) but this was one opportunity I REALLY didnt want to miss…

Who wouldnt want a neat, pretty little pouch to hold all the multiple sundry items on a travel? Mine always go in different ugly plastic bags and I would love to get one of those travel pouches. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

For my Son’s Father

Who said only Daughters and Fathers have a special bonding – Let me show them the 2 of you!!

I couldnt have asked for a better Dad for chuktu! I am so glad, I insisted that you would be the first person to hold/carry him. Knowing you I realised that, that moment will define the relationship for you. Until then chutku was a part of me – but that moment – he was all yours.And I see that bond only growing deeper and stronger with each passing day.

I enjoy every moment I see you enjoying the time with him – playing with him, changing him, bathing him, showing him the ‘Pakki’* , struggling to feed him. And the best of all – you get up in the middle of the night to give him milk and there are nights when Im dead to the world and dont even realise it!You are such a Hands-On Dad that I have no worries leaving Chutku with you alone, at all.

And it amuses me no end, when you refuse to brush his teeth or make him wear his shirt in fear of hurting him! You even dont play rough with him! Its me who is rolling around,throwing him up in the air,running around while you prefer to give him a pillow and watch him play with it AND keep a hawk eye that he doesnt get too close to the edge of the bed… You still think of him as that frail little baby you first carried 🙂



And I love it when you say ‘Paapa, He’s such a small baby’ when Im irritated at the end of the day and scold him for climbing all over me…When you see him sleeping and you smile looking at him – no matter even if its past 11pm in the night and your own eyes are closing shut.
I can feel the love when I see your eyes tear-up when he gets hurt, or the times you feel guilty for not being more careful.

Wishing you a very happy Father’s day – Hubby!

*Pakki = Pakshi (Bird)



Luuuvvvv







Original and Copy





Bade Miyan, Chote Miyan



Person analysis based on the blog

Saw this link where giving the blog name returns an analysis on the person writing the blog. And here’s mine below.

ESFP – The Performers

The entertaining and friendly type. They are especially attuned to pleasure and beauty and like to fill their surroundings with soft fabrics, bright colors and sweet smells. They live in the present moment and don´t like to plan ahead – they are always in risk of exhausting themselves.


The enjoy work that makes them able to help other people in a concrete and visible way. They tend to avoid conflicts and rarely initiate confrontation – qualities that can make it hard for them in management positions.

So, what do you all think of this analysis about me – Is this right?

Friendship, BFF and 2am friends…

Friendship Comments
 
RM wrote about friendship here and I started to comment. Realising that my comment was getting longer – I decided to put a post of my own here…

OK, let me begin by saying – I have a lot of friends. And I have been in touch with those who really matter to me constantly, thru the years. Off late, school friends whom I had lost touch with, also met and we hit it off instantly – like we never had all these years between us and Im so thankful for that! We try and meet as often as we can and everytime we meet its fun and we begin where we left off last time.
 
I have 1 friend who’s been with me since class 4, we share the same name and everyone who knows me, knows her -atleast by reference. And she knows all my secrets too. But does that mean I can call her at 2am? No, I dont think so. Will she call me at 2am – dont think so either! We know we CAN do it but we DONT. Why? No answer – Is it because we’ve always depended on family more for support – be it physical or emotional? We’ve both never lived out of the house all our growing up years? So, we dont even know what it is to have such a friend with whom we share everything with?
 
We do share everything, we still have the same ideas and thoughts. But practically, I know she cant help me at 2am, if need be! Would I leave everything and be there for her – Emotionally – Yes! Physically -will she think of me first – I dont think so, since she knows I have my constraints… I think this is what happens – growing up. Knowing that she is there but she wont be of much help. I’d rather call a couple of my other male friends if I really need any help! They will definitely give me the physical help I need immediately and THEN I would call her up and talk to her. Sometimes, distance matters too… Knowing she is in another timezone and she might not have had time for me. I know that she was hurt when there were things I hadnt told her only because I couldnt talk to her immediately!
 
We have had enough differences growing up that there was a time when the friendship was completely strained. But I hope, today things are much better and settled down!
 
And then there’s S, knowing she is hubby’s cousin doesnt stop me from telling her everything! Timezones not withstanding there are times when we talk for hours together on phone and sometimes have chain of mails between us. And we do tell each other everything – somethings that even our parents/hubby would’nt know. We relate to each other more emotionally than I do with anyone else. So is she my 2am friend? Nope – here again I would think that I would be distrubing her if I did call her at 2am!! Call me considerate for the others but I cannot call anyone at 2am – except of course Hubby and my parents… And I cant call them BFF – now,can I?

So are these girls my BFF/not BFF? Is something wrong with me to not think of them as BFFs? Or like I said earlier – because I never lived away from my parents I dont know how to call someone at 2am and confide in them?

And finally – Isnt  friendship like the picture? You need each other’s support to walk ahead – yet you have your own paths to take. A very delicate balance, there…

“Whoever says Friendship is easy has obviously never had a true friend!” – Bronwyn Polson

Mauritius

 Aaaah! Mauritius – A lot of planning and last minute running around – we went to Mauritius for our honeymoon 🙂 What better way to celebrate this month other than these pictures…. I have a dream to go back there again – say – our 25th anniversary? 😀

Pamplemouses – At the Botanical Gardens

The Dormant Volcano

Sunset from the room





Water falls into the ocean – Amazing Speed boat ride to get here

Sega Dance at the hotel

Shiva Temple

From the submarine ride

Chamarel – Multi coloured volcanic sand

Starfish at Ile Aux Cerf – see the shell inside?

Hubby at the hotel bar – Obviously 🙂

Complimentary drinks…

🙂





Sunset at Ile Aux Cerf

Sugarcane fields – taller than 6ft!
Ile Aux Cerf






Gifts and Giving

Almost everyone who called to wish us for the anniversary yesterday had this question – “So what did he give you?” or “What are you giving him?”

But we dont gift anything for the anniversary. What is the point? I mean, I give him something he wants and he gives me back something I want? We anyway do that for Birthdays or for that matter if we know what the other one really wants we just buy it – It really doesnt need an occassion. And where is the ‘Us’ in it? Its again you and me – isnt it?

And that said – We both love  travelling and seeing new places. So our one gift for each other is to take a few days off and go see a new place. Ever since we went to Mauritius after wedding we decided we will take frequent trips and definitely for the anniversary. And enjoy, unwind and have a nice time. Have some ‘US’ time. THAT is our gift to each other. I think that time we spend with each other making happy memories are the best gifts than the material ones.