what mommyhood taught me

There is a lovely  tag that has been doing the rounds of mommy bloggers and when I first read it at Kiran’s I was just hoping someone would tag me too!(Else I would have perhaps shamelessly stolen it and done it too!) And the lovely Little fingers did – Thank You!

What this tag is all about (In Kiran’s Words):
It’s been a while since us Mommybloggers came up with something to celebrate, well, mommyhood, so the lovely Monika and I came up with this. A tag that has us list out five lessons of life that Mommyhood has taught us, these could be sweet, bitter, funny, touching, whatever. These could be survival tips or cooking tips, or something as simple as the best thing to get puke smell out of hair.

So, the rules are simple. Put the badge up. Write out five lessons that Mommyhood taught you. And tag five mommybloggers.

So here are my five (And in no particular order):
1. General Personality Overhaul – Yes! Lots of things I didnt believe I could do or I thought doesnt relate to me – all of those ‘thoughts’ have gone right down the drain.

   a. Being a hot-head – I now keep my cool when he throws a tantrum at 2am in the middle of the night    to go out – I know if I shout his shrill scream will wake up the dead…
    b. Over sensitive to Dont bother about them attitude – Earlier I used to always listen to what others had to say and fret about not so good things that they might tell me. Especially the initial 3 months when Chutku had colic, I was bombarded with you havent done  this right or you should have done that during pregnancy. And I would just sit and cry. And then both Mom and Chutku’s neonatologist put some sense into my head. Today I have learnt to listen with one ear and let go with the other – any criticism and comparision between me and any other Mom. If I find some idea constructive I will try it else I dont fret about it.
c. To not talk before thinking – I’ve mostly been Mooh-phat and speak out my mind. Now after having experienced myself the effects of advices – I think a lot before I give a tip to another mommy. Also, only if they ask me what I do – never without being asked. And also, I dont just stop someone from petting my son – though I might not really like the way they are doing it. Or even for that matter I have stopped responding to unwanted comments from all and sundry telling me how to bring up my child. Every parent-child will have their own equation.
d. Multitasking – How could I forget this? I can carry him and do most jobs with a single hand. And I never knew I was so dexterous! (see the pic? I am having lunch/talking to someone holding my mobile and him in 1 hand)
2. Leading by example: The more the time passes the more it strikes me that the little 16 month old does exactly what hubby or me do. So now all my bad habits of cursing or swearing/angry tantrums/ even being fussy about food – they all come back to haunt me! Im more and more careful about what I do and what I speak (especially since he’s picking up words really fast and he can catch on to my mood swings like its happening to him). And Im already thinking of all the things he might learn inadvertently from either one of us. Its tough to be always conscious of what we are doing!
There is no way I can think of discipling him before I make sure Im disciplined enough…

3. The sense of actually ‘Feeling’ – I never knew I had so much of feeling in me! I thought I was a very practical person and always saw things the way they were. Never new that with becoming a mommy I would also find out new sense of ‘feeling’ that seems to be only growing stronger than ‘thinking’ – especially when it comes to the little one. There are new found feelings of Pride/Satisfaction/Fear everytime the little one does something new. Even when I crib that I dont have a daughter to ‘dress-up’ I find a satisfaction of making him wear good/clean clothes, of cooking fresh healthy food, of teaching him the smallest thing. And the fear for him. For every little thing that can cause him harm – of even being paranoid at times!
4. Learning about Intutions and Bonding – That ‘instant bonding’ everyone spoke about didnt happen instantly. When Mom kept asking me to talk to the little one, I kept saying that he hardly understands, I ‘d rather sleep! so while I slept the Grandma and Grandson used to have unintelligeble conversations at 1am in the night and she would sing him lullabies. After we shifted to our own home one day when he was crying and I was at a loss to do anything I began to sing the same lullaby to him that mom sings. And the reaction was instant. He immediately kept quiet and began to smile too! Even today the G’parents are much much favoured and the parents are completely neglected with them around.
And I also somehow knew/know immediately when something bothers him – be it stomach pain/ear pain or discomfort for potty/or even a bad dream – I just knew/know what it is and immediately it also strikes how I should react. I can even predict what his next mischief will be. And I keep surprising myself and hubby with it! I’m surprised that I can read that small individual’s mind like I can read my own…
5.Understand that he is a person, an individual – Yes, this early. He makes sure of it. When he first began to crawl and walk I would be very wary of where he would hurt himself. But no matter how careful I would be he would still fall/get hurt. I am now very relaxed around most of his naughtiness – being climbing stairs/ walkting across the Sofa as long as I know that there is nothing harmful in his way. I just keep an eye. With his limited vocabulary he makes sure we understand what he wants – and he makes sure he gets it. From putting ‘katoo’ (cartoon) on TV, ‘tata’ taking him out,’chicchu’,switching the lights on and off – everything. Even his food – He is quite clear of what he wants to eat and will refuse something if its not to his liking and I have to feed him only what he likes. He refuses to catch words that I keep repeating but will suddenly grasp some new word without repeating even once. All this to prove that I cant force what I want on him – He has a mind of his own which I need to respect!

Quite a lenghty post this became. So I’ll stop at this and I take the liberty to tag these mommies:

Sangi – Great, how she is managing to even study with 2 kids and a home to take care of. Her posts on Bangalore/kids remind me of my own childhood.And I would love to know her thoughts on this.
Starry – Another mom with 2 kids. I just love her posts and how she seems to write what I can only think!
ArtNavy – She writes about so many things to take the kids to around Bangalore that I cant wait for Chuktu to grow up…
MomOfRS – With 1 its so tough – she manages twins/family and a job. Whew! Hats-off!
Itchy – Another mommy of twins – Im in awe of these mommies. 
There are many more mommies that I regualrly read which helps me in my ‘mommy-ing’ better! But they have all been alredy tagged – I just hope these are all new mommies that Im passing this around to…

Random updates

*whiny whiny post ahead*

So much has been happening over the past couple of months that Im looking forward for a break – a break from everyday life!

– With Chutku falling ill on and off sleep has taken a big hit and more often than not Im walking around like a zombie these days. I just hope it doesnt affect my work – hasnt, atleast not yet.

– The April Chikkamagalur trip seems like it was in some last life! Sigh! I wish for another holiday soon – hmmm… like right now?

– On the work front things are getting more and more hectic and me being me, have again gotten into the rut of taking calls late evening – unable to say No.

– And this is affecting home life big time – Guilt has begun to creep that not enough time is being spent with the little one.

– Finally, after much deliberating and insessent pushing from the hubby, I’ve relented to keeping a cook at home. I avoided all this time and its not something Im very happy and comfortable about, but it seems only practical when Im out of the house for 12hours a day. My dream of having to cook and feed my family has to be on pause atleast for the moment.

– A lot of stress caused a lot of health problems to moi – resulting in the cook decision. Have you ever thought what a big pain it is to decide what to cook? God! I wonder how Moms have been doing it like forever! Atleast now I only decide the previous night and the cook takes over in the mornings giving me some breathingspace.

– And how do I use this ‘breathing space’ – by sleeping that extra 1/2 hr! The plan was I will go walking for half hour err…

– All the work stress/lack of sleep/no personal space leading to major arguements at home – both with the spouse and with parents – and THAT is something which I know will have its repurcussions *sigh*

– With all these, things that I want to do, which will give me pleasure have come to a standstill – the home decor,gardening,reading,my paints and stitches – where is the time for all that? And THIS is why I want to take a break from everyday life – does it sound silly? I mean, these are all supposed to be done for hobby in freetime – so wanting to take a break from the everyday paying job and life and kid to do these sounds frivolous to myself sometimes…

Family Day Celebration

Yesterday was family day and what did we do? Spent the day with family – yippeeee!!!

(Obviously! What else? huh!)

Hmmm, here’s the big news – hubby got that much awaited promotion and is now into middle management! yayyy!! Its an achievement at just 7+ years of experience and Im basking in all that passed-on glory!

And, MIL had a mannat to take Chuktu to the Hebburu Srichaktra – Sharada/Meenakshi temple. So, we combined hubby’s treat with this and with both sets of parents (I mean Grandparents! – They were interested in going out ONLY because they were to get the whole day with Chutku ;p).

So, after a really long time the whole family went out yesterday morning to celebrate. We started at 8 – an hour later than planned-thanks to the little fellow and his crankiness and we reached the temple by 11am. Spent a good hour there – its not a very traditional big temple. Just a small place with a huge hall. The best part that I liked was that they had put up series of pictures depicting the life of Adi Shankaracharya – which refreshed the memory. And the pictures were very well painted too. Loved them. Also, the big hall gave chuktu an option to run around un-interrupted giving him much needed legroom after sitting in the innova for 2 hours straight…We did some basic pooja/took pictures and started from there by 12.15pm.

The idea was to go to Taj Kuteeram near Nrityagram in Hesaraghatta for lunch and spend the rest of the day there until evening. But we weren’t sure of the way and reached the place only by 2.30. And we were hungry! Sadly, the buffet lunch had gone cold and the food options weren’t many either. We just ate a few rotis and the only thing I could feed Chuktu there was the carrot halwa. The lunch was a disappointment.

But the property is verrrry nice. The caretaker even opened the doors for the rooms and let us take a look at the place. The 2 sets of parents just relaxed on the beach chair kind of sofas there and hubby and me took Chuktu around to see the place. They had sprinklers in the grass and we decided to see how the little fellow will enjoy. We asked the caretaker and then left the little fellow on the grass. Boy! What unadulterated fun he had!! 😀 It was totally worth it! He would carefully walk close to the sprinkler and once it turned and sprayed water on him he would just run right back to me – all laughing and screaming 😀 It was sheer joy watching him play like that 😀 I think this is what they say about the pleasure of having babies! In about 10 mins he was thoroughly soaked and laughing his heart out.

We took him out from there/changed his clothes and then he wanted to go under a bigger one! This time round hubby carried him and both of them got wet again!!! Another change of clothing to the little one by which time it was 5pm and time for coffee.

Coffee it was and time to leave. Some more pictures later we started from there by 5.15 and were home by 7.30 after dropping off my parents. The little fellow had a nice little nap in my Dad’s arms and then after we dropped Dad and Mom back he had a screaming kicking tantrum, which subsided only after we reached home – a good half hour later! Whew! I’m sure the driver was glad to drop us off! Some dinner and in bed by 10.30pm made sure the day went by really well and everyone was happy happy…

Inadvertently, when I saw that yesterday was family day – I realised we had spent it having so much fun, together with the people who matter the most!
Some pics:

Shreechakra Pooja done by some ladies at the temple

Shri Sharadamba Devi

Chutku enjoying the sprinkler

Taj kuteeram – near the restaurant

Up Up Uppp…

Conversations and Observations

Most often when we are alone some things just strike. Hmmm…. I realised my skin is really low maintenance – no costly products/no branded moistureisers/ no heavy makeup/ no perfume – no siree it doesnt need any such things. All it needs is regular johnson baby oil before bath! BUT the 1 day I forget it makes sure it reminds me in a really harsh way by deciding to develop rashes…And i realised that no matter how much I pamper it with the costliest branded products it takes its own sweet time to get back to normal – on that similarity…

Arent we like that too? Most friends I talk to, most ‘women’ magazine articles I read. makes me think…

Isnt a lovely home cooked dinner better than an expensive 5 star hotel dinner with 50 other people?

Isnt everyday hugs and cuddles better than an ‘anniversary s*x’? (I read this term in some magazine – did you know?!)

Isnt a weekend spent at home sharing responsibilites and having conversation better than an international holiday once an year?

Isnt a loving back/foot run better than a ‘gift’ of Spa package?

Isnt 5 mins of attention everyday better than complimenting with ‘rich’ gifts on the birthday?

Isnt a festival shared with friends and family at home better than a holiday resort?

And they say women are ‘high maintenance’??! :-O

PS: Not that we dont want the expensive stuff, you know, they are all bonus. I mean we need the essentials first and bonus comes next – rightttt?

Mom and pictures

Im writing this post only because I want to get the barrage of thoughts in my head right now. It all started with my co-sister wanting us to put up a photo of us with our mother for mother’s day. And I thought it was easy. Mom and me? ha! That’s quite simple – there are multiple functions/festivals and outings where we’ve been together-right? Wrong!!! It was sooo difficult to find 1 pic of me and my mom where we had posed. Yes, there are random clicks where we are perhaps a part of a larger group or we are doing some work and neither is posing. It then struck me that I really haven’t bothered! Haven’t bothered to take a picture of me with my mom alone. And then I searched and searched and got one taken way back in 2008 – and I remember even then we were in the middle of some work when hubby just asked us to pose and we did. Beyond that I guess I will have to go back and search for pics in my wedding album or bro’s wedding album for a pic of mom and me – and Im sure I wont find any of just the 2 of us 😦 And just think how many pictures I have of me posing with all the innumerable people I’ve met in my life – insignificant people. Some of those people I cannot even recollect their names now…

Isnt it sad that we take this woman so much for granted – the one person who has been the backbone for what we are today? That she’s just there? Ah! This – this is just mom you know. She will be here whenever I want her. And after all these years have I realised it? yet? Nope!

Yeah…I mean, it does strike me at odd times like these but then, the expectation is still there. The expectation that she will put her own life on hold and be there – for me. Just like that. Just like last week when I screamed my head off at her because she said she wouldn’t be able to be there – for me – to take care of my little one while I met my friends (that’s another post story!) and relaxed and unwinded. I didn’t even bother to think that SHE might want a break too! That SHE deserves one too…That she has a life too… though she always made us feel that we are more important than anything else.

And you know what? The best part is – she calls me back and promises to come later in the day, so I still get to go meet my friends and have a nice time – while she is not only being the always dependable mother to me but also being the grandmom to my baby! Whew! Its a hard hard example to follow… Half as good as her maybe – I can try…

Thanks Mom! For just being you…