A Chutku Update

Weelll, It really has been quite sometime since I posted something on my little one. And since he turned 8 months old I thought I should put up all the new things he’s been upto. A little mommy blogging underway…

Now that he’s turned 8 months (though I wonder where the months flew by) he’s getting more and more expressive. He screams at the top of his voice if he doesnt find any one of us around him. He begins to smile and coo and starts to crawl (yeah, he’s crawling now) towards us – unmindful of the fact that there can be hazaar toys in-between. That makes us panic that he might hurt himself!He has also begun to hoist himself up with the least support – our finger or the edge of the crib – so the crib has almost been decommissioned – he stands up holding the edge and bends down to see the floor! We are so afraid that he will topple! So he stays on the mattresses spread on the ground now.Whew, All the makeshift arrangements that need to be done in a span of weeks!
He seems to have a perpetual cold – it never completely leaves him 😦 and he hates it when we put his nasal drops. It worries me that I will end up putting them in his eyes :-O – thats the amount of wriggling he does! Hands,legs, face everything flailing and moving around,and he screams like we are torturing him with the worst!
He LOVES to look at the ThoraN strung at the main door and plucks at the tulasi leaves. He loves to watch the green trees and ANYTHING in red catches his fancy.
All the new toys we’ve bought for him are a waste of money – He ONLY wants the TV remote or our mobiles. And if one of us is around – we are his toys -he wriggles onto our laps, holds our legs and stands,climbs on our tummies and tries to cross across us – anything as long as he is stuck to us. And yeah, newspaper seems to be his fave toy – especially the one his Dad is reading. Give him another sheet of paper- Nah! He throws that aside and grabs the one that we are reading only…

And a few names I’ve given him:
Galeej Guru – Wants to have a runny nose. Brings the roof down screaming if we clean (and we ALWAYS thought we will have a very clean child! *sigh*) Its a huge effort to just wipe his nose!

Dramu Maamu – Imagine this – He is playing with the remote and Im sitting right behind him (he cant see me). He looks up, cant see me, begins to scream – I call him – he turns, looks at me,gives me a smile and then suddenly realises that he was supposed to be crying – makes a really cry-y face typically like this smiley 😦 ,with eyes filled with tears and rushes towards me… Or put him down when he doesnt want to be, God! Such a look he gives – like we are abandoning him or something!
KeDi Subba – For the above mentioned reasons – I think he now realises that G’pa loves to carry him – so the minute he sees him, he’s all smiles and once he’s carried he begins to lean towards the direction he wants to go – which is generally towards the main door or the staircase! We think he now understands that bib means food – so if he’s hungry and we carry him and put on the bib – he begins to kick his legs and opens his mouth – ready to be fed. If he;s not hungry – you can expect the screaming and hands flailing at the spoon.

God! @ 8 months this. What once he gets legs and speech we wonder! Very soon his Dad will loose more hair and Mom will start getting greys!

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Saying No – A Big No No

Havent we all come across a situation like this? Unable to say No when we really want to?

I read the post at Sanju’s and thought my comment would become too long – so thought will put it up here…

I blame it on my upbringing! To be polite and never say No. Dont do anything that might be rude (and yes- saying No is rude). Though that means putting your own priorities on the back burner.And now we’ve come to stage where sometimes we are unsure if being assertive is being aggressive! A very thin line between them – Isnt it?

Especially at workplace: I felt uncomfortable too and awed actually when I first began to hear a No from others. Awed because I never knew how to do it without sounding Rude! A team member who said No – I cant be there during the production release – because he wanted to go golfing! A collegue who refused to stay back and do that little bit extra because she had a party to attend that night… And I heard this only abroad – never at work here.

And I feel used sometimes when this inability to say No is taken for granted! No one expects you to say no when you are asked to stay late hours/do someone else’s work…And when you do get the courage to say the dreaded word, people are astonished,feel bad,maybe even feel humiliated for being refused!

After 6 years in the industry, I’ve now got a wee bit courage to say it – No! BUT But but – I always back it up with a reason – so I dont sound rude.And I still need to un-learn not to get that nagging feeling of guilt for refusing to “help” someone.
You know what, I think I need to go and read “Dont say Yes,when you want to say No”! – again…

Wagging Tongues and Motor Mouths

Mom was mentioning something on these lines a couple of weeks ago and reading Cee Kay and starsinmeyeson how people cant stop making nasty comments and generally dont know when to stop, triggered me to put up my own post here…
Case 1:
I’ve always been tall – so a backbencher in school through out. I had this short friend S who always sat in the first bench. Being a backbencher, the class boys sat in the rows next to ours and behind us. That meant more interaction with them – not that I cared. But S did (Which i was unaware of) and mentioned that to her Mom. And S’s mom and my best friends A’s mom were both friends and they both decided that they need to ‘enlighten’ my mom on this.

So S’s Mom came home one day, told my granny and mom that I have ‘boy’ friends and took amma with her to the local complex to meet A’s mom. There they both spoke at length about how I talk to boys which is not good for me and that it will affect my studies and how I need to be educated about having ‘boyfriends’. Amma heard them patiently and told them that she knew I talk to boys,that they come home all the time and gently chided A’s mom who happens to be a school teacher herself that as elders they shouldnt be putting such nonsense about not talking to boys in our heads while for us they are just friends. And she very coolly told them that her daughter’s studies and her friends are her concern and she knows what her daughter is doing in school or outside! 🙂 That ended the matter there but even today when Mom comes across either S’s mom or A’s mom – they look the other way! And frankly mom doesnt care!

Digress here: My parents have always been Pro co-education, and my friends both boys and girls have always had the liberty to drop in at any time. Dad and Mom (more Mom) know every friend of mine and even today if someone wants to get in touch with me they call home or drop in to talk to my parents and get my where abouts…And today A is still a good friend I met recently and S also had a
taboo ‘Love’ marriage but is completely out of touch with any of us – she just doesnt care…
End Digression.

Case 2: A school friend I had lost touch with for nearly 10+ years suddenly finds me on Orkut, becomes a friend, sees my photos with Chutku and pings me on Gtalk:
Him: Hey! Didnt know you had a baby – recently delivered?
Me: thinking”Duh!” yeah, born in december
Him:You got married long time back right?
Me: Yeah (Couldnt understand what he was implying – Im Dud like that sometimes!)
Him: Why wait so long for the baby? All OK? Some problem?
Me: *was fuming by now* refused to reply to this – I didnt know what to write – I could only think of profanities!
Him: Changing Topic: Hey! You still in touch with R? – my closest friend from school.
Me: Yeah (By now I was wary of what he was getting at)
Him: So,is she married now?
Me: No
Him: Why? Isnt it time that she get married now? Some Love failure or something?
Me: Why dont u ask her that? (Totally pissed and ready to log out)
Him: Im sure you will be knowing – tell na, after all we are such close friends,we’ve known each other for so long – we should know what’s happening in each others life na…
Me: Refused to reply again. After which I logged out,called R and let out my anger on this guy with the choicest abuses.

I wish now that instead of refusing to reply, I should’ve given him some nasty retort – though I still cant think of what! I still get royally irritated thinking of this incident X-(

Friends and Bosses…

What happens when your closest friend becomes your boss? Is it possible to keep the friendship intact or will the distance begin?

I had a situation when my closest friend was asked to lead the team and I was the senior resource under him… Not happening – I said. I cannot and will not report to him.

You see – then the relationship changes – you wont know if you should behave like friends, or get distant and stop telling him that you will be taking an adhoc leave the next day! :-p And the scenario also changes,you make a mistake – you expect to be let go without making it a big issue, and the friend – makes it difficult for him to let you know you made the mistake – to scold or let go? Mail becomes too professional, call becomes too personal – what to do?

You do something really good and get due credit – then everyone around you will think more it terms of – “arey! they are close friends – what do you expect?” Rather than respecting you for doing the good task. Oh yeah! And people will also try to take advantage of your friendship even if you want to keep it professional – Can you ask Boss to give me 5 days off? What do you think Boss thinks of this situation?What do you think Boss will say at my appraisal – so Friend cant be free with you, cant say what he thinks – becomes Boss, and he will have to maintain the distance too…

Then what happens to the friend? Friend gets lost in Boss… Is it worth loosing a friend to the Boss?

And in my case – thankfully I quit – so we are still friends…

Roots we are…

Yesterday while watching Chutku playing around (Oh! He has begun to sit and crawl now) we found our that for a few moments that we are not there – he screams/cries to draw our attention to him. And when we respond – look at him,smile – he smiles back and goes back to playing. We realised that he just needs us to be around him, once he is done playing – he crawls back to us – to be carried,lifted,hugged – to be reassured that we are there…

And that hit us – Isnt that what we expect out of our parents too – to be reassured that they are there when we want them? Moving out and starting a life of our own in our new home, with Chutku – not very difficult only because we knew that parents were there. Someday when we cant handle the day we can just give them a call and they are there – 2 sets of parents, 4 pairs of hands – to take care -of us,our home, our baby.

We can find our wings, fly the nest – fly far knowing that our roots are strong,that we can come home anytime – no questions asked, no answers needed, all support given -Reassured that we can fly again, we can take off…

Parents – the roots – and they let us find our wings,support us while we learn to fly – find our own paths, yet always waiting to support when we most need them…