Is this how a "Married’ woman should look?

More often than not people think Im not married- Well and I do take that as a compliment all the time, having been married for 3 years now.

I met a college friend in the bank over the weekend and last weekend met a friend who hadnt seen me for over 3 years and they both said the same thing: “You havent changed a bit!” “What do you mean” I asked – “Oh! You know, your face hasnt changed/matured (now I dont know what that means!!) you haven’t put on weight, you still have the same way of talking” (Excuse me?) blah blah…

And at work too people are surprised that I am married – and married for 3 years. And the first thing that people see when I say I’m married are my forehead for Sindoor and my feet for the toe rings – neither of which I wear and then back at my face with a big Question mark on their faces…which means everytime I need to give an explanation – Sindoor is not in our tradition/its optional and toe rings hurt my feet.Then they ask – then how do people know you are married? One of them even went to the extent of asking – what if someone falls for you thinking you arent married – I think you should atleast wear toe-ring!! Huh! What? I really had no answer to that!! (*in my mind – grinnnn, so I still look that young/good for someone to fall for me!!cool!* )

And then another common question – dont your in-laws/parents mind you wearing trousers/jeans/skirts – becoz generally married women dont wear them?! No, Thankfully my in-laws are very broad-minded. They really dont mind my wearing whatever clothes I want.

Here is the last one – I havent changed my last name after marriage – simply becoz its no big deal for either me or for my hubby. We’ve never given it a thought. But thats another thing people dont understand. We had to get a legal document in both our names and the lawyer conveniently changed hubby’s last name to my last name!! It was so funny! He didnt change my last name to hubby’s but he did the opposite! hehehe. We had to take it back to him and explain that I have retained my maiden name and that his last name is different. He gave a sheepish smile and changed it for us *uufff*

Why is it that even today people have such pre concieved notions that a married woman should look like this/wear all the extra fittings (Yeah I do call them that coz I dont need them to remind me that I’m married!!) I only wear my mangal sutra becoz thats the only thing I believe in and like wearing. Also – it doesnt show on any of my western clothes too. And can somebody show me if there is any rule in the constitution that married women in India should NOT wear trousers/skirts/jeans? That too in today’s day and age!And changing my name is something I will not do. Just becoz people recognise me by this name and this is my identity. Everyone who is anyone to us know we are husband and wife and I dont need to prove that I am married to him just by changing my name to his!

Which Neanderthal age ARE people in? Im not irritated- just majorly surprised!!!


8 thoughts on “Is this how a "Married’ woman should look?

  1. Babes.. if those are the only questions asked of you then you are lucky. My friend who is engaged, was planning to go to another friend’s wedding. You have no idea how many people asked her if she had her fiance’s permission to go. and how many more were surprised that her parents were letting her out of the house at all after getting engaged… :-p

  2. As much as i know, the concept of bindi, sindoor and mangalsutra was introduced so that ppl in the society know that the woman is “already married” (why? i dont know, i dont care)… Nowadays, it can be easily shown that the girl is married by wearing a ring and i feel that the ring should suffice… My ring has lost its shape and i am craving to get it back into shape so that i can wear it again… As far as last name changing is concerned, its an indicator of girl being a part of the new family. A very good way is to hyphenate the name so that the girl still is a part of the old family and not just the new. And, the decision should be left to the girl because its her name and its her decision. No one should have a say there.Rest of it is just plain rubbish, as far as I am concerned, these customs are a piece of crap.

  3. Sanjana – watch out for some more – maybe I’ll write a part-2?!Nikhil – Yep, I do wear a ring, one which my hubby bought for me,(though not for the wedding), but rings dont have much meaning here as everyone wears it-its not restricted to only ‘married women’. And, I wear my mangal sutra for the same reason you mentioned – purely sentimental.

  4. Very true.but i think the pokey nose tribe is decreasing by the day, dont you think so? Am sure a good 15-20 years ago the people asking probing and personal questions about marriage and studd would have been manifold than what we see today. The outlook is surely changing, but a small minority of the kind you ve written about will always exsist. And its fun to ahhve then around as well nai? Else what will you blog about :0)

  5. reading ur blog is a pleasure…at least i met someone wid same thoughts as mine………i am questioned a lot of times abt the things like toe rings, bindi , sindoor etc which r the must for a married woman in rajasthan frm where i hail….but i m away frm all …. and i dont understand y they want me to behave the way they like……its really a sour experience to listen such things wen u go to meet someone …… and i feel more nd more woman shud live the way they like …… to make these sort of questions come to an end.

  6. Hopped in here, after reading a comment you left at Pepper's.I so agree. I don't even wear my thali/mangalsutra, whtever you call it šŸ˜€ I still get asked if i'm in college šŸ˜€ yea, santoor ad types :PThe only ppl who ever commented on my name change are my in-laws, but for different reasons, which i wrote up in pepper's comment section. but well, i'm still married, and happily, at that! šŸ˜‰

  7. Not being forced to dress or act traditionally is seen as a privilege in our society. And actually having a choice in personal matters, like what one calls oneself, what one eats (and when and what one doesn't eat) or how one dresses makes many a jaw drop even today.

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