Modern Day Daughter-In-Law

Was asked to read this extremely one sided personal view about the ‘plight’ of mothers-in-law. And thought why nobody ever writes about the state of the daughters-in-law! Being one myself and knowing a lot many (of course every household is different) I thought I would put my personal views here.

Disclaimer:Nothing personal and no grouse against any moms-in-law.

Yeah the DILs are able to go to work – thanks to them. But I don’t see the need to pity her! Right- agreed that the modern day moms-in-law are still looking after the house rather than typically ‘hand-over’ the ghar ki chaabi to the new DIL. Has anyone ever thought that its because they still want to be in control? They might not want to hand-over everything to the DIL who might be more street smart and able to manage the house as well as her job better! Or even if they do say that the DIL has to now take care of the house – are they satisfied with the changes that she might make? Will they welcome the changes? Or stay possessive about ‘my’ house and
‘my’ kitchen? Before marriage the MILs insist that the girl should be going to work
and then later they crib that she doesn’t have time to help with anything. And the poor DIL along with working whole day comes home tired and she cant relax – you see,MIL is busy preparing dinner for the family and she is expected to help.And the dinner has to be perfect – A little spicy/tangy/salty – wont do! “Oh! You know you
cant cook as good as your MIL”. So the DIL has to do everything/everything right! get commented upon and still not speak – you see – ‘Kaam karthi hai-toh badon ki izzat nahi karti hai-isiliye zabaan chalathi hai!” And its an unwritten rule in most homes where the son after a tiring day is asked to put his feet up and relax where as the DIL after an equally tiring day is expected to help with whatever MIL is doing…

Apart from all these – she has to be available to talk – if not- ‘Oh! She’s so busy, she cant talk to us… see her DIL or his DIL – she’s such a sweet girl, she’s VERY close to her PILs – she spends more time with them than with her husband”, yeah ok! But have you also noticed that she doesn’t work? Or works part time?Or even she doesn’t have the work pressure? And of course she spends more time with PILs as hubby is away at work. – the comparison doesn’t end there- subtle or blatant – its always
there.If something hurts/upsets her – she’s termed sensitive/immature!- Isn’t she human too?

Come weekend – MIL/FIL have already planned to go out and they want the son to take them out. It never once crosses their mind that with both of them working through the week its only during the weekends that the couple get any time for themselves too!

As for the functions – The DIL no matter how tired/exhausted/work loaded has to attend all/every wedding and functions in their family. If it coincides with any event in her parent’s family/ friends – it goes without saying that it takes the least priority.Working does not give her the chance to visit her parents/relatives very rarely and the only opportunity to do that just vanishes into thin air – why? Priority event…

Isn’t it a bigger juggling act for a DIL, both mentally and physically, who lives with PIL – managing work/home , keeping in-laws/parents/hubby happy, make something out of her career – where is the time for herself? Who is going to ask her if she is happy? If she has any concerns? Is she doing what she really wants? Does anyone really care?

I would love to get comments on this…

For the uninitiated:
PIL: Parents-in-Law
DIL: Daughter-in-law
FIL-Father-In-Law

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7 thoughts on “Modern Day Daughter-In-Law

  1. Have seen many homes where things work even though the DIL is working or not… Just a matter of stepping into the other person’s shoes and getting the other perspective… But alas!!! Easier said than done… Statistics speak for themselves…

  2. Hmmmm… Ever thought that both the MIL and DIL Do try to step into each other’s shoes? But it cant happen all the time- to each her own priorities and thoughts. Especially when both get possessive about the same man! 🙂 The will to be the best in his eyes always is overpowering…

  3. You know RS, what you have written and what has been written on the Deccan Chronicle article are two sides of the same coin. And unfortunately the two sides of a coin cannot meet :-)But then when we have trouble getting attuned to a new office, where we’re going to work only for 8 (i am eternally optimistic) hours a day. Is it any wonder it takes lots more time to settled down in a totally new place with new people with whom we have to live day in and day out.I do agree, since the DIL is the one who has left her place of comfort for a new place, she must be given more leeway. But dunno if it happens.Oh! and dont always blame just the MILs, the FILs might not directly say anything but they are generally right behind to instigate the scenes 🙂

  4. you’re going to kill me for this BUT (!) – while i disagree with the most part of the article you’ve linked to, i do feel that parents these days dont get a break. almost all of them are on duty taking care of grandchildren, running our homes because we’re busy running after money. i personally believe there are stages that we must all go through – take care of your own kids, run your home etc. whats happened is that we want the advantages of the modern – a job, equality etc – and yet we want the old fashioned joint family to still cater to our needs…maybe i should do a post instead of eating up your comment space

  5. While the plight of MILs is shown here, there is definitely no talk about the FIL and the husband pitching in to do anything! Tsk Tsk…While sharing the household work load is one thing, I fear too many NRIs take advantage of their parents. They get them to USA only when they have a baby, because babysitting is so expensive here. And the babies are packed off with grandparents to India until they are old enough to start school. In short, parents and inlaws are reduced to glorified nannies. If they make the decision of having kids, I firmly believe that parents have to follow through by actually raising them. Too many NRIs here sit and smirk at Britney Spears when they are no worse!

  6. I loved your article. What I do not understand will never understand is why sons cannot live on their own, move out of the old homestead. No wonder Indian men are babied.I think that the situation cluelessness pointed out arrives from a lifetime of treating people to get your personal work done. Young people behave that way with their parents because that is the treatment meted out to them. they were sent to earn dollar salaries to improve family connections and status- its what goes around comes around.

  7. another article full of real thoughts….i was expecting this……apart frm the article which really shows the truth in light….i wanna ask u the writer … r u happy …its personal .but it too has a lot to ponder on !!but seeing ur blog i guess i feel u r happy …wid life…still sometimes people believe in hiding the darker sides 😛

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